BREAKING: There has been a lot of confusion in the media as of late. Mubarak steps down. Then it's reported otherwise. Even Bill O'Reilly wouldn't tolerate this kind of miscommunication. But I'm here to tell you:

A few days ago, I offered my couch to Mubarak. You know, just in case. Because who else thinks of this sort of thing? I'm simply here to facilitate difficult and awkward international communication that may not be happening. Turns out he accepted my offer. Mubarak might not be on ...

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